The day had not yet reached dawn while the power surged through the dimly lit Winery. Dr. Frankenstein considered his next move. I need more parts, more ingredients, more interference. Yes, Yes my creation is at hand. But Doctor, his able body assistant fresh out of U.C. Davis opined, you’ve already added more acid than prescribed, you have added more Water than can be tolerated, you have spun off alcohol and inoculated for malo conversion. Please doctor no more! I must, I must, the acid was a little too much I agree, but we can compensate with a little potassium, yes that’s it, and bring things into balance again.

A science fiction movie, I think not! Yes the favorite wines of your so called  great wine makers are interestingly made in much the same manner. Destined for the scrap heap of liquid retirees, or the Porcelain Alter. Science in all its great advances has altered our approach to Wine Making. The advent of stainless steel as a vessel to ferment, blend, stabilize is a good example of the up side. But also the discussion of fixing, manipulating Mother Nature, or the creating of a wine because you were too lazy to do the work in the vineyard. Maybe it was a cost consideration, just too expensive to do it right. So in come the grapes, over ripe, under ripe and the Doctor is in, prescribing maximum interference. Yes the chef puts all the ingredients on the table and gets to work. I for one have had enough.

Like processed foods they just don’t digest very well, and my stomach turns at the thought of such creations. Frankenwines, yes they are in abundance, and you can pick them up on any shelf, on any wine list, and normally they score well.  Why, because most of the Wine writers are con artists, quick with a pen, great with the art of language, but their palates are no more advanced as yours or mine. In fact many are much less! If they tell you it’s good then blindly you march to the store and buy! Sounds like the Pied Piper!

You buy, you store, and you regret! But this is not about Wine Writers, the poor soul’s who have been fooled over and over again. Not knowing the difference between, tartaric acid, and the real thing. No this is about the Monster Makers who have the right, but should be up front. You see, why is it you don’t know, why is it you are not aware of what you ingest? I don’t know about you but I want the choice to consume or not, that which is not natural to the grape. A simple request, but is it?

We are required to run simple tests on or wines. These tests will not measure the addition of tartaric acid, or potassium just the total acid. They will not measure additions of beetroot sugar, cultivated yeast, just the finished alcohol. They don’t measure copper, Water content, sorbic acid,(by product of egg whites) or any other magical formula some future Doctor has fabricated. It would behoove you to be more diligent, more patient with your purchases, and it might even be more cost effective. Why?

A Frankenwine will most diffidently die an early death! It will implode much earlier then a natural wine. And in the end your cellar will be much more confident. How many Pinot’s have you held just to serve them three years later and there D.O.A.. But if a wine is in balance, and has been made of it self, your chances or reward will be there down the road. The alternative is simple:

A hand from a union painter + a forearm from a Boxer + a Bicep from a Weight lifter +  a chest from a Football player, well guess I’ve said enough.

Hears to the burning of the tower, and eliminating the Monster,

Unfiltered Wine Report

Photo credit goes artist William Underwood and you can see his work at

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